“AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!”

troll13The lurking spambot who writes drivel, copied and pasted from wikipedia, he infiltrates our happy fluffy comment boxes and forums so he can sell us his knock off handbags, shoes and viagra. He must die.
troll13The lurking spambot who writes drivel, copied and pasted from wikipedia, he infiltrates our happy fluffy comment boxes and forums so he can sell us his knock off handbags, shoes and viagra. He must die.
troll13The lurking spambot who writes drivel, copied and pasted from wikipedia, he infiltrates our happy fluffy comment boxes and forums so he can sell us his knock off handbags, shoes and viagra. He must die.
nurse on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/unkemptwomen/5017916052/”>troll14He is as wise as only a seventeen year old can be. He spends a LOT of time in his bedroom, healing acne-ridden, cure terribly shy and unpopular at school. He reads books and listens to music, though neither is the kind that his schoolmates read or listen to. He is expecting to get into a decent university. His parents are very proud of him and give him FAR too much attention when he explains what he did at school this week, and what he has been reading recently. He spurns the fripperies of the social networking and music sites. Instead he reads the more political sites on line, the journalist blogs and opinion pages where he seeks out left wingers, mentions of inclusive social policies, protectionist practices, welfare states, kindness, woolly minded liberalness and bashes out in capital letters “HAVEN’T YOU READ ANY AYN RAND, YOU BUFFOON???”.

(He later gets into Cambridge and after a couple of years has joined the Footlights…. and writes an amusing sketch about Atlas shrugging.)
Troll #15 “”

viagra on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/unkemptwomen/5021985599/”>troll15So, imagine there’s this bloke and once, when he was a foul drip of a seventeen year old, some guy (for the sake of argument let’s call him Rogério) called him a name that he didn’t like (the name wasn’t THAT bad).

Roll forward twenty years and Mr “AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH” has been stewing away on what “Rogério” called him, spending all his energy on persuading himself that “Rogério” was wrong, trying to climb whatever ladder he is on, marrying the first girl that would have him (he has since lived to regret THAT decision) and being generally unfulfilled in life…. until one day and he finds “Rogério” authoring a blog or heading a forum… and all his unfulfilled dreams, frustrations and pain come out in bilious, confused messages of HATE to this “Rogério”, such as “GET BACK UP THE ARSE THAT YOU FELL FROM, IF YOU EVER FALL OUT OF IT!!” or “YOU ARE FOPWASSOCK, LEARN TO WRITE, ASS, YOU CAN’T WRITE, YOU WRITE SHIT, WRITE UP YOUR ARSE!”

Sure, this “Rogério” has a different surname to the one he had twenty years ago, and today he is a liberal leftie pinko commie but back then he was the BIGGEST fan that Mr. Salazar EVER had, but Mr “AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH” holds onto his mis-recognised nemesis and follows him round the net for YEARS until his horrible harpie of a wife has him checked into a special place with soft walls.

Troll #16 “Rectifyer”

troll16It’s not his fault he was born without a scrap of a sense of humour.

It is enough for you to write four words on the internet for him to find you and write a thesis long comment in your blog about why you are wrong, that you have missed all the salient points, that what you refer to has been mythologized since the dawn of civilization and in an entirely different sense from the one you are using, that scientifically you must bear certain facts in mind and disease and crop devastation must be put into the equation, that you should really be careful before making such pronouncements as they are likely to cause wrong thinking in other, more impressionable, less educated visitors to your blog.

All you said was “I love fluffy bunnies”.

Troll #17 “Free Esprit”

troll17She regards herself as supremely open-minded and free-spirited. This she reflects in her outward appearance with her wardrobe, gaudy jewellery, retro make-up and short hair. She lives in an extremely chintzy flat, that suffers from an excessive attention to detail… she has a lot of time on her hands at weekends. She thinks she is somewhat of an intellectual. Her bookshelves are full of Paulo Coelho and Saramago translations, and all the Dan Browns are scattered around her sofa.

On the internet, she meanders open-mindedly and free-spiritedly round the “literary” blogs and websites, absolutely NOTHING else appeals to her… and she goes about the place nodding in agreement, silently to herself.

Occasionally, though, she leaves her literary safe zone, purely by accident, and finds herself in a blog whose author also believes themselves to be open-minded and free-spirited and writes thus…. and writes a few things that “Free Esprit” doesn’t agree with.

Instead of thinking, “hum, there is someone there who is open-minded and free-spirited like me, and they think differently to me. How interesting”, she writes a ludicrous, longwinded, patronising comment, in the most closed-minded imprisoned-spirited way. She stews over it all weekend and goes back regularly to her comment to re-read what she has written.

She concludes that she really ought to write a book, she is THAT good.

Troll #18 “Messenger”

troll18This is the comment box evangelist we all run away from. The illustrated version is, of course, the christian evangelist, but internet evangelism is a very inclusive religion, from Christianity to Islam, from Hummer drivers to Prius drivers, from Mac users to PC users, from Michael Jackson lovers to Michael Jackson joke makers, dreary bastards all of them trying to persuade you that theirs is the only way and your way is the wrong way….You haven’t seen the light yet, you poor lamb, YOU will thank me when you find the love of Jesus/the hybrid/the Mac/Michael Jackson.

Generally, they are not nasty, just BORING and overly sincere and repetitive, one trick ponies, and it is really hard to tell them to just fuck right off, just in case the only way to heaven IS via the hybrid car. When it comes to the Mac/PC wars, however, things can get just stupidly heated, when opposing evangelists clash in the same box. It is best to close comments on that page and WALK AWAY.
order on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/unkemptwomen/5021985599/”>troll15So, cialis 40mg
imagine there’s this bloke and once, viagra when he was a foul drip of a seventeen year old, some guy (for the sake of argument let’s call him Rogério) called him a name that he didn’t like (the name wasn’t THAT bad).

Roll forward twenty years and Mr “AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH” has been stewing away on what “Rogério” called him, spending all his energy on persuading himself that “Rogério” was wrong, trying to climb whatever ladder he is on, marrying the first girl that would have him (he has since lived to regret THAT decision) and being generally unfulfilled in life…. until one day and he finds “Rogério” authoring a blog or heading a forum… and all his unfulfilled dreams, frustrations and pain come out in bilious, confused messages of HATE to this “Rogério”, such as “GET BACK UP THE ARSE THAT YOU FELL FROM, IF YOU EVER FALL OUT OF IT!!” or “YOU ARE FOPWASSOCK, LEARN TO WRITE, ASS, YOU CAN’T WRITE, YOU WRITE SHIT, WRITE UP YOUR ARSE!”

Sure, this “Rogério” has a different surname to the one he had twenty years ago, and today he is a liberal leftie pinko commie but back then he was the BIGGEST fan that Mr. Salazar EVER had, but Mr “AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHH” holds onto his mis-recognised nemesis and follows him round the net for YEARS until his horrible harpie of a wife has him checked into a special place with soft walls.

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