“I am Trollocus!”
“Oh, approved bog off, the pair of you”
A couple of days ago, for the first time in my internet life, I was rickrolled. Rickrolling is the act of luring a clickering internaut to a site of interest, where they will find not the useful educational film on prairie dogs that they expect, but a Rick Astley video from the 80s. I got half way through the video, absent-mindedly marvelling at how old fashioned the 80s look now and waiting to see the film trailer I thought was coming, before I remembered that this being Rick Astley (who I couldn’t stand the first time round) meant that I had been rickrolled. I told my computer screen a light sarcastic “oh very funny” and closed the window.
Rickrolling (derived from blogroll, the list of links to other sites on a blog, which in turn, I hope, but doubt, comes from bogroll) is somewhere on the trolling spectrum, probably only “Trolling 101”. “Trolling 102” introduces the “trollface” face, which is the face of the troll, presumably saying “nyeugh nyeugh nyeugh nyeugh nyeugh!” and how to copy and paste it (the ugliest and worst drawing ever made, and if you googlewikipedia “trollface” you will discover its roots in a character called “Rape Rodent”, which is nice, though I’m sure the entire trollface story is one big trollingfest of bollocks).
This is the kind of trolling done by the kind of troll who gets annoyed by me calling everyone else in this catalogue a troll. For this troll is a self-proclaimed hero joker whose online goal is to wind people up for fun, to pretend to be stupid to make people argue with him, to lure them to look at something only to give them something radically and irritatingly different and it is he (as he is constantly telling me) and his ilk that do TROLLING, and they do it on purpose so no one else can be called a troll EVAH.
He is a first year student of something not very useful, and in real life doesn’t have too many friends (1), social skills (1) or interests (1). He thinks that trolling is an art. He thinks that “Jackass” was the best show ever invented. He spends his spare time, between a game of GTA and making cheese on toast for dinner, thinking of the next way he is going to purposely annoy someone online, just for the fun of it and to show it to his equally sadly underoccupied fellow online trolls, who enjoy the mild suffering or humiliation of others. It is essentially pranking, but pranking in the dark, with an escape wormhole so that no one knows it’s him doing the pranking, and no one can punch him on the nose.
He arms himself with stock phrases and arguments that he can leverage in a forum dispute, which make him seem cleverer than he is. He isn’t clever enough to be a hacker, only has bad photoshop skills and the ability to make a page redirect to somewhere else, but this is enough to make him a real pain in the arse online.
In real life, however, he wouldn’t dare even talk to you. He would run away like a tiny mouse if confronted with irritated people (who he had irritated).
Whenever you meet someone really idiotic online, imagine that it is this little eejit, because it probably is. Then ignore him.