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It is a malevolent thing, abortion this creature.

It is a graduate from a low-grade university with a low-grade degree and very few ideas. It is as well read as a mole and far less interesting. Its moral compass was broken in its back pocket after a sitting incident.

This is the creep who wants to get on quickly through the ranks of journalism, recipe but doesn’t like going out much and getting its little creepy shoes wet. It can’t be bothered to go and look for real things to report, thinks it is beneath it to report on good things that happen, or small things, resents being sent to the WI cake stall and the opening of a new car showroom. It has been doing that for a whole year already.

It sees better, experienced journos having to traipse round the world to get their stories, get shot at, work hard at writing stories or being brave, or even just thinking very hard about what they do. Well, none of that is going to get it to the top, for no great writer or thinker is this little toad, it is merely a cast off from a local radio station. This lifewreckingbadjourno doesn’t care about the content, it cares only where the content gets him.

It senses redundancy in the air. It is desperate, and staring at its computer screen, it has a minor braintrickle…. the INTERNET has STUFF on it. It will find some of the stuff and write it up.

What’s this it sees? There is swearing on the internet? There are people with non one-dimensional lives? Bloggers who anonymously write about sex? Teachers who swear and make jokes with their friends? Anglican vicars who are homosexual? There are people who have different interests online than they might let on in the day time to their friends, but don’t actually have anything to hide, because there’s no shame in being a rounded person with different views, personae, ideas, moods? WHAT?

Little evil journo troll’s cold little beady unseeing eyes glow a little colder, for this is gold. The reactionary fools who read his rag will lap this up, and after the troll has had a good read of the of the dirty bits, with one hand, resolves to make these revelations news.

It picks on one hapless victim who has a responsible job by day and lets her hair down by night (“lets hair down” meaning spending some time on twitter and the rest, talking to friends, being herself, being like quite a few of the rest of us, a bit sweary, a bit of a gobshite, sure in the knowledge that people have a modicum of intelligence and understand that we’re not all robots, preprogrammed to perform our lives in keeping with the pattern laid down for say, a teacher as deemed respectable by the Daily Mail) and writes an “exposé” about the “depraved online life of teacher/ woman!”. By “writes” I mean copy/pastes her tweets, the ones in which she had put swears and rude bits, or even dared, as a woman, to make a funny. The troll tops and tails this with “Look! It’s a moral outrage! Teacher should lose job!”.

Moments before it files the “story” it emails the victim to tell her that her face will be all over the tabloids tomorrow, so if she wants to say anything, now’s the time — this is the troll lying to itself that is an ethical reporter.

Hopefully, the internet, real world and school all stick up for the much admired teacher, and her life returns to normal after the few days of utterly needless torment.

Hopefully, the troll gets what it deserves… what might that be?


  1. what can you say about such stories, us who know the troll is a vile cunt need say nothing because we all understand each other, and those who read such stories with relish, what can be said to them to bring them to our side? i honestly have no idea.

    Superbly written by the way. xx

  2. Very nicely put.  Some things just shouldn’t be news.

  3. madpenguin

    Brilliantly written.  This is an absolute disgrace.  An excellent, inspirational teacher has been hung out to dry.  Her colleagues and students know how great she is at her job and know that when she says she is “lazy” it was TOTALLY tongue in cheek, like all GOOD teachers she is very hard working and dedicated.  Something this troll couldn’t possibly understand.  

  4. Anonymous

    Thank you everyone.  It was such a despicable thing to do to her.  To anyone.  

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