story on Flickr” href=””>troll

By day he is a normal looking mechanic, mild, dirty-joke-telling, inoffensive, one of the boys.

By night he is a right little nationalist. He belongs to a couple of neo-Nazi and sod-neo-we’re-full-on-Nazi forums, where he gets himself wound up into an idiotic rage by the other brain-lites (and by a nerdtroll in California who is pretending to be a racist baboon just to see how easy it is to wind up the stupid for a thesis he is writing). Most of the time, the forums are where he begins and ends his internet experience, but sometimes he ventures out into the wilderness of the net, filled with all its people of all different colours, nationalities and sexualities, a place he doesn’t like at all…

He may read a story in a newspaper about a sleb of one colour marrying a sleb of another colour. Well, THAT’S not right, he thinks, and piles in with some offensive, idiot-bashing-keyboard comment about it…. and he’ll be on a roll. He’ll find a story about “the gays” playing football. … NO!!!! says his tiny shrivelled brain, NO! and bashes some nonsense out on his keyboard. He finds a woman living in his country who comes from another country, who writes about his country in terms that wouldn’t work well in a travel agent’s brochure and leaves messages such as “go home to your own filthy country” and “I know where you live and I will come and get you if you don’t stop writing about MY country” *

It’s quite a long list of things that offend him. He tells his mother sometimes, about his list of “the unacceptable”. She tries to gently talk him out of it, to no avail. She’s mystified about where this idiot came from. Then remembers the boy’s father. His list of “the unacceptable” who deserve to be constantly slated and abused online (and, he wishes, in real life) includes:

  • Funny coloured people
  • People with funny accents
  • People who don’t speak his language (including people who don’t live in his country)
  • People who don’t live where they were born (his auntie doesn’t count, because she couldn’t help being born in France)
  • People with posh accents
  • People with posh accents who claim to have something to protest about
  • Anyone in the media, even if not posh
  • Mixed race marriages
  • Mixed nationality marriages
  • Non-mixed sex marriages
  • Europe, EU, the euro, the French
  • Homosexuals
  • Transexuals
  • Bisexuals
  • Asexuals
  • Intellectuals (that includes anyone with A levels)
  • Politicians (except the members of his beloved nationalist party)
  • Foreign food… except Indian
  • Intelligent women and funny women
  • Intelligent, funny women
Ignore him (totally) online and he will go away…. you can’t argue with stupid.  He’ll slink back into his lair/forum with his fellow idiots and he’ll work himself up into a little frenzy then fall asleep.  He has to be back at work in the morning, to work for his boss who happens to be a funny, intelligent, posh woman who’s a bit of a funny colour and was born in another country.
* Yes, this time it’s personal and I have had visitors like that. I am British. I live in Portugal. I write about it, a lot. Some people REALLY don’t like that I am allowed to do it.


  1. No-Troll

    I am sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood the term troll. The people you describe are no trolls, simply jerks and idiots. Only people who post something NOT of their own opinion, to DELIBERATELY pull the thread off-topic and insult peoples’ sensitivities, are trolls. Trolls often post something Neo-Nazi, but not for any political or ideological reason, only to shock and spawn anger.

  2. Maxgunn

    that was funny…  shit don’t wana sound like the vague troll. 

  3. Maxgunn

    i’d say they are still ‘trolls’ in a sense because they’d only ever have the nerve to write and say to other people their  thoughts because they’re anonymous.