The Commodore

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He is an unintentional troll who totally misunderstands the idea of a. the internet and b. free speech.

His head, with its semi-permanent beetroot colour, is usually 30 seconds away from exploding. His tie is always tied tight and his neck veins always bulging a little over the top of his collar. His face is decorated with the regulation eyebrows and moustache of a retired RAF Commodore who flew and commanded in the war, and is remarkably agile for a man who must be in his late 80s by now.

That is because he is not in his late 80s, he was born in 1948, entirely missing the war by three years. He relies on the well known fact that young people these days are very stupid, so when he shouts “we went to war for you to wear your damned trousers round your ankles!” at the youth, they can’t work out that he is far too young to have fought any of those old wars. Of course, they can; they just can’t be bothered.

His online life consists of thoroughly reading newspapers online (by thoroughly, I mean all articles about the young, the “ethnics”, the “gays”, the benefit scroungers, political correctness, all wars going on, all economics going on) and be outRAGED by most of it. He comments anonymously as “The Commodore”, instantly contributing to his troll status, because he wouldn’t want anyone in real life to see him reduced to writing to these people in a digital form and not in the proper manner; green ink on paper to the editor.

His responses are predictable, of course; too much immigration/too little respect/trousers too low/didn’t fight the war for this to happen/in my day blah blah blah … and very second he notices that someone has responded to him (which might be a while, as he doesn’t get that the internet doesn’t require a tea and biscuits half way through the morning) he goes all Dambusters and drops bouncing bombs of bombastic, jingoistic, ageist crap on them, getting into massive rows with anyone who can be bothered to react.  It usually ends in a very ugly manner, his misogyny and homophobia (for anyone disagreeing with him must, he thinks, be “a silly woman” or “a dreadful queen”) being expressed in ripe language that ultimately gets him kicked out of the comment boxes by moderators.

Tomorrow he will return as “Rear Admiral”.


One Comment

  1. Daddy Papersurfer

    That was quite a good year to be born in – just sayin’