Professional Troll

This kind of troll is wheeled out on daytime TV and talk shows to be the “provocative voice of the not-politically correct”. So provocatively not-politically correct is she that she can enrage even the most mild mannered TV host with

/ 2 Comments

Professional Troll

This kind of troll is wheeled out on daytime TV and talk shows to be the “provocative voice of the not-politically correct”. So provocatively not-politically correct is she that she can enrage even the most mild mannered TV host with

/ 2 Comments

The Daily Troll

In terms of size, of reach, of sheer numbers, it is the biggest troll of them all. Normally, trolls and internet pests are solitary creatures, sitting alone under their digital troll bridges of crap. The Daily Troll, though, is a

/ One Comment

The Daily Troll

In terms of size, of reach, of sheer numbers, it is the biggest troll of them all. Normally, trolls and internet pests are solitary creatures, sitting alone under their digital troll bridges of crap. The Daily Troll, though, is a

/ One Comment

Catalogue Troll

She has spent far too much time on the internet over the last ten years, with only a couple of bouts of abandonment of it, fed up with the influx of the slebs and plebs who have overshadowed much of

/ One Comment

Catalogue Troll

She has spent far too much time on the internet over the last ten years, with only a couple of bouts of abandonment of it, fed up with the influx of the slebs and plebs who have overshadowed much of

/ One Comment

Smug-o

I have to come clean and say that there is one kind of troll that does make me laugh. Although he is a bit of smarmy git, and may start to believe that his fame ON the internet (which is

/ 7 Comments

Smug-o

I have to come clean and say that there is one kind of troll that does make me laugh. Although he is a bit of smarmy git, and may start to believe that his fame ON the internet (which is

/ 7 Comments

Captain Vague

I could barely paint Captain Vague. He/she says so very little, that I can’t formulate the slightest idea about him/her, so very very vague he/she is, like a puff of tepid air in the internet ether. The only thing I

/ 2 Comments

Captain Vague

I could barely paint Captain Vague. He/she says so very little, that I can’t formulate the slightest idea about him/her, so very very vague he/she is, like a puff of tepid air in the internet ether. The only thing I

/ 2 Comments

The Commodore

He is an unintentional troll who totally misunderstands the idea of a. the internet and b. free speech. His head, with its semi-permanent beetroot colour, is usually 30 seconds away from exploding. His tie is always tied tight and his

/ One Comment

The Commodore

He is an unintentional troll who totally misunderstands the idea of a. the internet and b. free speech. His head, with its semi-permanent beetroot colour, is usually 30 seconds away from exploding. His tie is always tied tight and his

/ One Comment

ug

By day he is a normal looking mechanic, mild, dirty-joke-telling, inoffensive, one of the boys. By night he is a right little nationalist. He belongs to a couple of neo-Nazi and sod-neo-we’re-full-on-Nazi forums, where he gets himself wound up into an

/ 3 Comments

ug

By day he is a normal looking mechanic, mild, dirty-joke-telling, inoffensive, one of the boys. By night he is a right little nationalist. He belongs to a couple of neo-Nazi and sod-neo-we’re-full-on-Nazi forums, where he gets himself wound up into an

/ 3 Comments

Cornucopia

Her week is spent mentally concocting the perfect meal that she will lovingly craft (while screaming at her boyf for getting in the way while she is creating) for herself, her boyf and some recently found friends, friends who don’t

/ One Comment

Cornucopia

Her week is spent mentally concocting the perfect meal that she will lovingly craft (while screaming at her boyf for getting in the way while she is creating) for herself, her boyf and some recently found friends, friends who don’t

/ One Comment

ha-ha-bonk

This is a professional troll. He is in media or showbiz of some kind; he may be a shockjock or a writer of pretentious schlock. Here, for today, he is a comedian who has based his career on being quite

/ One Comment

ha-ha-bonk

This is a professional troll. He is in media or showbiz of some kind; he may be a shockjock or a writer of pretentious schlock. Here, for today, he is a comedian who has based his career on being quite

/ One Comment

“I am Trollocus!”

“No, I am Trollocus!” “Oh, bog off, the pair of you” A couple of days ago, for the first time in my internet life, I was rickrolled. Rickrolling is the act of luring a clickering internaut to a site of

/ 3 Comments

“I am Trollocus!”

“No, I am Trollocus!” “Oh, bog off, the pair of you” A couple of days ago, for the first time in my internet life, I was rickrolled. Rickrolling is the act of luring a clickering internaut to a site of

/ 3 Comments

Lifewreckingbadjourno

It is a malevolent thing, this creature. It is a graduate from a low-grade university with a low-grade degree and very few ideas. It is as well read as a mole and far less interesting. Its moral compass was broken

/ 5 Comments

Lifewreckingbadjourno

It is a malevolent thing, this creature. It is a graduate from a low-grade university with a low-grade degree and very few ideas. It is as well read as a mole and far less interesting. Its moral compass was broken

/ 5 Comments

Moocher Smoocher

He’s not a malicious troll, but he IS a deluded slimebag. He is married to a dull woman, has a fairly dull job, and daydreams of a life less dull. In the evenings, after he has eaten his dull dinner,

/ 4 Comments

Moocher Smoocher

He’s not a malicious troll, but he IS a deluded slimebag. He is married to a dull woman, has a fairly dull job, and daydreams of a life less dull. In the evenings, after he has eaten his dull dinner,

/ 4 Comments

A Symptom of Society

Pictured here is a our troll, “Symptom”, and his wife. “Symptom” spends an awful lot of time off work due to illness and, therefore, has an awful lot of time to spend in front of his computer. He roams about,

/ No comments

A Symptom of Society

Pictured here is a our troll, “Symptom”, and his wife. “Symptom” spends an awful lot of time off work due to illness and, therefore, has an awful lot of time to spend in front of his computer. He roams about,

/ No comments

Little Miss Sub-Clause

She is a troll who lies in wait under the bridge, waiting for you, little goat, to go trip-trap-trip-trapping over the top, unaware of her presence… There you are, playing about on the internet, looking at websites and blogs, sometimes

/ 5 Comments

Little Miss Sub-Clause

She is a troll who lies in wait under the bridge, waiting for you, little goat, to go trip-trap-trip-trapping over the top, unaware of her presence… There you are, playing about on the internet, looking at websites and blogs, sometimes

/ 5 Comments

An’Istorian

He is a university professor at one of THE universities. Let him, for argument’s sake, be a historian (nothing to do with the one I have at home).  He lives and breathes his subject and really is extraordinarily clever.  He

/ No comments

An’Istorian

He is a university professor at one of THE universities. Let him, for argument’s sake, be a historian (nothing to do with the one I have at home).  He lives and breathes his subject and really is extraordinarily clever.  He

/ No comments

Unbeliebable

She’s 12, so you can’t be angry with her for too long.  She is an unmalicious troll, but still profoundly irritating. She just LOVES Justin Bieber, although love is not a strong enough word. If she thought it would get

/ One Comment

Unbeliebable

She’s 12, so you can’t be angry with her for too long.  She is an unmalicious troll, but still profoundly irritating. She just LOVES Justin Bieber, although love is not a strong enough word. If she thought it would get

/ One Comment

Artemesia

Let us even out the gender balance and make her a laydee troll. This is a troll who has never fulfilled any of her promise.   She regards herself an artist of some kind, (or maybe a musician  or a

/ One Comment

Artemesia

Let us even out the gender balance and make her a laydee troll. This is a troll who has never fulfilled any of her promise.   She regards herself an artist of some kind, (or maybe a musician  or a

/ One Comment

Your Cnut!

There is a special place for this troll. It is twitter. Of course, he frequents other places; the porn and car parts places, maybe something about his football team, but as a participant there is only twitter for him. Facebook

/ One Comment

Your Cnut!

There is a special place for this troll. It is twitter. Of course, he frequents other places; the porn and car parts places, maybe something about his football team, but as a participant there is only twitter for him. Facebook

/ One Comment

I Am Auto-Didact

He left school with few qualifications and decided later (after he realised that everyone in the pub was quite boring as football was the main, dull topic… he knows there is nothing worse than a pub bore) that he needed

/ No comments

I Am Auto-Didact

He left school with few qualifications and decided later (after he realised that everyone in the pub was quite boring as football was the main, dull topic… he knows there is nothing worse than a pub bore) that he needed

/ No comments

Mummy Knows Best

Get yourself knocked up for the first time, go looking for some info and reassurance online on “Preggo-board” or “MumsyWeb” and you will attract the attentions of this delightful troll. She watches your first tentative steps on the forum, asking

/ One Comment

Mummy Knows Best

Get yourself knocked up for the first time, go looking for some info and reassurance online on “Preggo-board” or “MumsyWeb” and you will attract the attentions of this delightful troll. She watches your first tentative steps on the forum, asking

/ One Comment

Genghis Khan

This is your mild-mannered uncle Bernard, married to your aunt Miriam, retired and living in Kettering.  He reads the Telegraph, deadheads his roses, and quietly thanks the Lord he and Miriam never had children, for that would have meant grandchildren

/ No comments

Genghis Khan

This is your mild-mannered uncle Bernard, married to your aunt Miriam, retired and living in Kettering.  He reads the Telegraph, deadheads his roses, and quietly thanks the Lord he and Miriam never had children, for that would have meant grandchildren

/ No comments

Sage Green

He is a real-ale-drinking-green-vegan-crusading-anti-fascist-naked-anti-capitalist-on-a-bicycle, and he doesn’t want to be your friend. He lives alone in a housing association flat in West London. The housing association has long since given up trying to kick him out, since he chained himself,

/ No comments

Sage Green

He is a real-ale-drinking-green-vegan-crusading-anti-fascist-naked-anti-capitalist-on-a-bicycle, and he doesn’t want to be your friend. He lives alone in a housing association flat in West London. The housing association has long since given up trying to kick him out, since he chained himself,

/ No comments

The Love Bug

She has been looking for love for as long as the internet has been switched on. Living under a crust of perma-mascara, the black line that delineates each eye has been spreading for the last twenty years, so that now

/ No comments

The Love Bug

She has been looking for love for as long as the internet has been switched on. Living under a crust of perma-mascara, the black line that delineates each eye has been spreading for the last twenty years, so that now

/ No comments

Messenger

This is the comment box evangelist we all run away from. The illustrated version is, of course, the christian evangelist, but internet evangelism is a very inclusive religion, from Christianity to Islam, from Hummer drivers to Prius drivers, from Mac

/ No comments

Messenger

This is the comment box evangelist we all run away from. The illustrated version is, of course, the christian evangelist, but internet evangelism is a very inclusive religion, from Christianity to Islam, from Hummer drivers to Prius drivers, from Mac

/ No comments

Free Esprit

She regards herself as supremely open-minded and free-spirited. This she reflects in her outward appearance with her wardrobe, gaudy jewellery, retro make-up and short hair. She lives in an extremely chintzy flat, that suffers from an excessive attention to detail…

/ No comments

Free Esprit

She regards herself as supremely open-minded and free-spirited. This she reflects in her outward appearance with her wardrobe, gaudy jewellery, retro make-up and short hair. She lives in an extremely chintzy flat, that suffers from an excessive attention to detail…

/ No comments

Wiseman

He is as wise as only a seventeen year old can be. He spends a LOT of time in his bedroom, acne-ridden, terribly shy and unpopular at school. He reads books and listens to music, though neither is the kind

/ No comments

Wiseman

He is as wise as only a seventeen year old can be. He spends a LOT of time in his bedroom, acne-ridden, terribly shy and unpopular at school. He reads books and listens to music, though neither is the kind

/ No comments

Rectifyer [sic]

It’s not his fault he was born without a scrap of a sense of humour. It is enough for you to write four words on the internet for him to find you and write a thesis long comment in your

/ 2 Comments

Rectifyer [sic]

It’s not his fault he was born without a scrap of a sense of humour. It is enough for you to write four words on the internet for him to find you and write a thesis long comment in your

/ 2 Comments

“AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!”

So, imagine there’s this bloke and once, when he was a foul drip of a seventeen year old, some guy (for the sake of argument let’s call him Rogério) called him a name that he didn’t like (the name wasn’t

/ No comments

“AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!”

So, imagine there’s this bloke and once, when he was a foul drip of a seventeen year old, some guy (for the sake of argument let’s call him Rogério) called him a name that he didn’t like (the name wasn’t

/ No comments

Twatty the Robot

The lurking spambot who writes drivel, copied and pasted from wikipedia, he infiltrates our happy fluffy comment boxes and forums so he can sell us his knock off handbags, shoes and viagra. He must die.

/ No comments

Twatty the Robot

The lurking spambot who writes drivel, copied and pasted from wikipedia, he infiltrates our happy fluffy comment boxes and forums so he can sell us his knock off handbags, shoes and viagra. He must die.

/ No comments

Angel

Mild, mousey and quiet, this one. She works as a secretary to an overbearing boss and never speaks up, and finds him wildly attractive. She is plain to look at, and dresses in what she thinks is understated sexiness. It

/ No comments

Angel

Mild, mousey and quiet, this one. She works as a secretary to an overbearing boss and never speaks up, and finds him wildly attractive. She is plain to look at, and dresses in what she thinks is understated sexiness. It

/ No comments

Hope Charity Faith

This is one of the keyboard bashers you’ll find commenting on [lowest common denominator] sites like the Daily Mail and Sky News. She spends a LOT of time at home, watching daytime TV and she attracts biscuits. She reads those

/ One Comment

Hope Charity Faith

This is one of the keyboard bashers you’ll find commenting on [lowest common denominator] sites like the Daily Mail and Sky News. She spends a LOT of time at home, watching daytime TV and she attracts biscuits. She reads those

/ One Comment

Tokyo Dreamer

He is an Emo-Hipster who spends half of each day getting ready to go out and the other half walking up and down the high street looking lanky. His hair his so straightened that it always looks greasy, his skin

/ No comments

Tokyo Dreamer

He is an Emo-Hipster who spends half of each day getting ready to go out and the other half walking up and down the high street looking lanky. His hair his so straightened that it always looks greasy, his skin

/ No comments

Athena

In the real world, she is just a bit lost up her own arse. At least two divorces behind her, she used to beguile, but soon bored her husbands with her insane demands for attention on her terms. She lives

/ One Comment

Athena

In the real world, she is just a bit lost up her own arse. At least two divorces behind her, she used to beguile, but soon bored her husbands with her insane demands for attention on her terms. She lives

/ One Comment

Totenkopf

By day, he is a mild-mannered social worker. Gentle and kind, he works with under-privileged children or in a drug rehab unit. He is committed to using the correct terminology for every minority condition, and gently and oh so quietly

/ No comments

Totenkopf

By day, he is a mild-mannered social worker. Gentle and kind, he works with under-privileged children or in a drug rehab unit. He is committed to using the correct terminology for every minority condition, and gently and oh so quietly

/ No comments

Girl Next Door

This is one troll who ISN’T anonymous and is really an accidental troll. She is your next door neighbour, or your cousin, or you work colleague, or someone you met once and unthinkingly gave your blog address. She is a

/ No comments

Girl Next Door

This is one troll who ISN’T anonymous and is really an accidental troll. She is your next door neighbour, or your cousin, or you work colleague, or someone you met once and unthinkingly gave your blog address. She is a

/ No comments

Caged Crusader

On the outside, this troll would not seem to be the prime candidate for being a troll. He has a decent job, is quite well educated, is reasonably paid, is not a virgin, might even have a wife and family.

/ No comments

Caged Crusader

On the outside, this troll would not seem to be the prime candidate for being a troll. He has a decent job, is quite well educated, is reasonably paid, is not a virgin, might even have a wife and family.

/ No comments

Manga Mama

She recently had her first baby, and though the father is around, he’s even more passive agressive than she is. This leads her to spend much of her time online, alone, with the baby slung over her shoulder or clamped

/ No comments

Manga Mama

She recently had her first baby, and though the father is around, he’s even more passive agressive than she is. This leads her to spend much of her time online, alone, with the baby slung over her shoulder or clamped

/ No comments

Revolutionary Guard

The troll hereaboveforewith illustrated is the particularly Portuguese version of the archetype, but the archetype is an international one. He is a late-middle-aged man, in this case a just-taken-early-retirement secondary school teacher who spends his now empty days with reading

/ No comments

Revolutionary Guard

The troll hereaboveforewith illustrated is the particularly Portuguese version of the archetype, but the archetype is an international one. He is a late-middle-aged man, in this case a just-taken-early-retirement secondary school teacher who spends his now empty days with reading

/ No comments

Catwoman

She is a rare one, but once you’ve got her, she’s hard to shake off. She is a clinically insane cat lady. She lives with her cats since her husband left her, 18 years ago after six weeks of marriage

/ No comments

Catwoman

She is a rare one, but once you’ve got her, she’s hard to shake off. She is a clinically insane cat lady. She lives with her cats since her husband left her, 18 years ago after six weeks of marriage

/ No comments

Defender

Man, he’s angry. He is in his second year at university. Therefore, he is now the world’s authority on whatever it is he is studying; maths, physics, computer science, political science, etc. No-one, but no-one, can possibly have an opinion

/ 5 Comments

Defender

Man, he’s angry. He is in his second year at university. Therefore, he is now the world’s authority on whatever it is he is studying; maths, physics, computer science, political science, etc. No-one, but no-one, can possibly have an opinion

/ 5 Comments